My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
