It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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