My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
