I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
