Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
