I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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