Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
