I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
