Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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