I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
