You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
