If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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