I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
