idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
