Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
