this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
