this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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