I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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