I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
