oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
