WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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