Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
