last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
