i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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