No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
