i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
