You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
