In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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