Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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