Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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