i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
two words: eviction party
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
