thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
