I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
