i already hear my dad disowning me
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
