watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
