cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
