It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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