Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
