my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
