Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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