Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
