so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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