I wish my penis had an off switch
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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