ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
