I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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