I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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