I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so let's talk penis.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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