she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
