Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
