last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
