evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
