Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
