this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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