i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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